There are many temptations to organize our life around the experience of earlier trauma. But that may shortchange the future—which starts by our envisioning something better.

Posted June 9, 2022 | Reviewed by Lybi Ma

Domesticated dogs are quite different from their wolf ancestors, being tamer and more social1. Yet all canine societies have a similar social structure. This reality suggests many practical tips for dog training.

The biggest mistake that many dog owners make is to assume that their animal is a friend. Humanity's “best friend” should not be considered a friend in the sense of being a social equal. The phrase really originates in the fact that dogs have made themselves so useful to us over the tens of millennia of our association and because they are extremely affectionate most of the time2.

In dog societies, whether it is wolves, African hunting dogs, or coyotes, social life is arranged around dominance relationships. Among wolves, every other individual is subordinate to the alpha pair and literally grovels before them in their greeting display.

The alpha female harasses other mature females in the group so that they are unlikely to ovulate or breed. Similarly, the alpha male tolerates no reproductive competitors. Subordinates help to feed the pups of the dominant pair.

Your Dog Should Be a Subordinate, Not a Friend

Most dog owners see their pet as a member of the family. As such, the animal is accorded many privileges, such as fine food and a comfortable place to sleep, often on the owner's bed.

This solicitude is possible because domestic dogs are very different from their ancestor, the wolf, and have been selectively bred for tameness.

Treating the dog as an equal has its limitations. Chief of these is that it is confusing for the canine. There is no equality in wild canine societies and our best friend divides the social world into two categories, superiors, and inferiors. There are no equals.

If there is a conflict of interest, dogs defer to alphas but dominate inferiors. If the ranking is not settled, then any conflict is resolved with aggression whereby the winner gains status.

This means that owners who treat the dog as an equal set themselves up for perpetual conflict. From a behavioral perspective, the pet is disobedient, confrontational, and hard to control. The solution to such issues is for an owner to establish themselves as an alpha in the dog's eyes. If this ranking is not clear, then the animal treats every conflict as competition over status. The key reason that there are so many behavioral problems with dogs is that their owners want to treat them as equals. That is why so few owners have their dogs under voice control and need to keep them on a leash during a ramble in the woods.

Confusion Is the Enemy of Discipline

Undisciplined dogs are not happy because they experience a great deal of ambiguity. (In an experiment where Pavlov trained dogs to differentiate between circles and ellipses, as the task was made harder or more ambiguous, the subjects developed “experimental neurosis.”)

Dogs are never happier than when they follow the instructions of their owner, whether it is retrieving a stick that has been tossed, or rounding up a flock of sheep. Such tasks are accomplished through social reinforcement. When the dog is too far away for voice control, skilled shepherds modulate the pitch of their whistle to communicate direction and approval.

Wanting to please the alpha is a key motivator. That is why the relationship between the trainer and the dog is of central importance. If the dog respects the trainer, then it will have confidence in the instructions it receives and does its best to carry them out.

An undisciplined dog is like a problem teenager who is unwilling to follow any instructions. In each case, the core problem is the lack of clear instructions. This ambiguity follows from treating subordinates as though they were friends and equals.

Whereas dogs work best when they strive to please a trainer, many professional trainers encourage owners to use food to reinforce desirable behavior,

Dogs Should Not Work for Food

Food is certainly an effective reinforcement but it is not optimal. Once again, it introduces confusion into the situation from the dog's perspective. Is the objective to please the owner? Or is it to get food? Inevitably, the dog is distracted by the food, so that any message communicated by the trainer is obscured.

Distraction by food cues generally interferes with training. Dogs are very good at reading emotional cues of approval or rejection but this capacity is impaired by food odors.

Ideally, the dog works to please its owner. Once food rewards are used, the animal is no longer trying to please the owner. It is working for itself. This dynamic sets the stage for all sorts of conflict and disobedience. It is one of several reasons that there are so many pets that behave badly.

1 Dugatkin, L. A., and Trut, L. (2017). How to tame a fox (and build a dog). Chicago, IL: University of Chicago Press.

2 Galeta, P, Lázničková-Galetová, M, Sablin, M, Germonpré, M. (2021). Morphological evidence for early dog domestication in the European Pleistocene: New evidence from a randomization approach to group differences. Anatomical Record,304(1):42-62. doi: 10.1002/ar.24500.

Nigel Barber, Ph.D., is an evolutionary psychologist as well as the author of Why Parents Matter and The Science of Romance, among other books.

Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today.

Psychology Today © 2022 Sussex Publishers, LLC

There are many temptations to organize our life around the experience of earlier trauma. But that may shortchange the future—which starts by our envisioning something better.